Cyclists Behaving Badly

I've seen cyclists riding while talking on cellphones, or with the dog's leash attached to the handlebars, or riding the wrong way down the shoulder of the highway. The umbrella thing is completely new. Splashdown!

Here are some dumbass things I have seen cyclists doing very recently:

• Riding the wrong way on the westbound shoulder of Highway 22X. This is not only illegal, it is very stupid. Bicycles are bound by the same laws as motor vehicles. You wouldn't drive your Land Rover down the opposite shoulder to traffic, would you?


• Riding with no hands, while talking on a cellphone, coming around a blind corner at the Douglasdale driving range.
  
  
• Riding on the shoulder white line, with at least two feet of shoulder to your right, oblivious to all around you because of your Ipod. If you hear someone scream "Left!" at the top of their lungs, that's me passing you after yelling it four times while I approached you from behind.



• Stopping on the bike path, sideways, at a blind corner.



• Riding on the bike path with a dog in one hand, or with a dog on a leash.



• Getting on my wheel without telling me. (The proper etiquette is to say, "On your wheel".) The guy who was wheelsucking me a couple of weeks ago when I took a hard left is probably still picking the scabs off his abrasions.



• The doofus who was riding in his aerobars at high speed thru the walkway intersection by the bridge to Princes Island Park, at morning rush hour.



• On race day, cheating wheelsucks (drafters). You will get caught. Just like the guys on my wheel at Ironman Arizona 2006, Ironman Coeur d'Alene 2006, and the Desert Half a couple of weeks ago. I'm flattered, and I hope you enjoyed your four minutes of rest.

OK, so I ripped pet owners a bit the last couple of weeks. I have the scars and nightmares to show for it. We as cyclists are guilty as well, and I apologize for my fraternity. And I promise not to commit any of the above sins!